This morning I found myself frightened. Just finishing my devotional time, I began
outlining my day in my minds’ eye. There
is nothing I must accomplish, not a thing I “must” do! What am I going to do with myself? I like to occupy – be occupied – fill up my
senses – every time and space! And if I
am not occupied I become preoccupied; by filling the empty spaces before I have
set foot there. Mostly, by worries and other emotional pro-activity.
I began working through my fearful deli-ma by quickly reacquainting myself with
the words, “horror vacui.” Baruch
Spinoza was speaking of our horrendous fear of vacancy.
It is extremely
difficult to allow emptiness to exist in my life. Any part of it, any time; especially when I
have not practiced it for a few years, now.
The reason being; I like to be in control. Emptiness requires my
willingness not to be in control, a willingness to let something new and
unexpected happen. It requires trust,
surrender, openness to guidance. Yes, I
just finished my devotion to God but left without an understanding that God’s
actions (not mine) in my life will be, eternally significant.
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