Observation of Dancing while Feeling Lonely

Today, June 7, 2012, Bettyann and I will have been married forty six years. During those years I can not count the times I have looked to her to take my loneliness away. At times, it has been, “please hold me, touch me, speak to me, pay attention to me, agree with me.” Frankly, it has taken too long for me to discover that the expectation of Bettyann taking my loneliness away doesn’t happen when I ask for it. In fact, she has often suffered feelings of inadequacy, to the point of oppression; by my demands and ran away, leaving me in despair.


My discovery: As long as I approach another person from my loneliness, no mature relationship can develop. Clinging to Bettyann, my children, grandchildren, most intimate friends, in loneliness, is suffocating and eventually becomes destructive. For love to be possible I need the courage to create space between myself and those closest to me and trust that the space will allow us to dance together.