Horror Vacui and Me

This morning I found myself frightened.  Just finishing my devotional time, I began outlining my day in my minds’ eye.  There is nothing I must accomplish, not a thing I “must” do!  What am I going to do with myself?  I like to occupy – be occupied – fill up my senses – every time and space!  And if I am not occupied I become preoccupied; by filling the empty spaces before I have set foot there; mostly, by worries and other emotional proactivity.

I began working through by quickly reacquainting myself with the words, “horror vacui” of Baruch Spinoza’s, speaking of the horrendous fear of vacancy.

It is extremely difficult to allow emptiness to exist in my life.  Any part of it, any time; especially when I have not practiced it for a few years now.  The reason being; I like to be in control. Emptiness requires my willingness not to be in control, a willingness to let something new and unexpected happen.  It requires trust, surrender, openness to guidance.  Yes, I just finished my devotion to God but confess that I need to completely understanding that God’s actions, alone, (not mine) through my life will be, eternally significant.