I'm Searching For Words

During Holy Week, past, there was the opportunity to read in the book of St. Luke where in the first chapter Zechariah, unexpectedly lost his speech after he questioned the angel who brought him such good news about a long-waited child in his old age. I think I would be struck speechless also, if in Zechariah's case, the temporary loss of words was something of an acknowledgement of the promised child he doubted, even if my child weren’t going to prepare the way for the Messiah. Though he knew why he was made silent, I am sure he felt restless until he held his son in his arms and was finally able to describe his emotions properly.

It reminded me of the “silent week” I was in habit of taking annually some years ago. For me it was a week of banning myself from verbal communication in order to quiet myself internally. Saying little of a time to heal from over-exhaustion and over-fixing things and people. My goal was simply to bring back the core purpose of being authentic and most importantly, soul rest. 

It was my experience at the monastery where all were silent, that when the words were taken from me, I became strangely poor, almost incomplete. I’ve found two sides of this poverty: one is internal, losing the comfort of my capability to express myself fully. The other is external, as I find no real guidance to turn to for wisdom. In my experience, the latter has eternal ramifications if not satisfied in a timely manner.

Similar to these those annual weeks, and intentional sporadic days, alone at Quiet Rest there once was a time in biblical history when God stopped talking. Between the periods from the prophet Malachi until the first written words of Matthew's gospel, I have not read any account of God communicating to his people through words. Humankind must have experienced a poverty of words, a lack of communication and intervention from the creator. It was a long pause before the grand entrance of God into this silence, fully revealing God's essence by identifying who God is, as the ultimate Word, Jesus Christ.

I began thinking the other day, while pulling weeds from the winter soil that when I “hear” this Word is when I truly comprehend the fact that I have been poor, living in the poverty of words over my lifes' direction. Once I hear and know this Word, is when I discover that only the living Word can quench my thirst for meaning.

In fact, it is in these times that I become eternally grateful to the Spirit who reveals Christ, the Word, to me. I also think of Jesus's humility by limiting himself, becoming poor himself for a time, just so I would not stay in a poverty of words.

My poverty of words can be a distant memory for all who know me, since God has spoken with the ultimate Word. When I think a little deeper and further back, once Christ was fully internalized and lived by, from then on, both the Creator and I enjoy the pleasure of a mutual, ongoing conversation.  Thank You, Father, God!