Investigating Conversation

Last week, anticipating the twelve hour trip to Florida for Grace's marvelous milestone of graduation I thought of finding a light, entertaining, free audio book.  In browsing the offerings, the mystery writer, Agatha Christie, caught my attention and having never read anything by her, let alone novels and mysteries are just not my thing, I gave the "queen of crime ago." (as a Brit might say)  I was introduced to Hercule Poirot, waxed moustache and all, as the professional sleuth in this book: The ABC Murders.  I understand he is probable considered one of the most enduring characters in murder fiction, solving all kinds of cases with the help of his "little grey cells." I also find he is also an amusing source of useful quotations. In one of his meticulous investigations, Poirot tells his sidekick, "There is nothing so dangerous for anyone who has something to hide as conversation! A human being, Hastings, cannot resist the opportunity to reveal himself and express his personality which conversation gives him. Every time he will give himself away."

After ruminating awhile, I have concluded that if words betray the inmost secrets of my heart, prayer is the conversation in which hidden things—and I the "hider"—are most laid bare (but hardly in the same sense as Poirot imagined). God does not find things revealed as I am speaking to Him; my words are not inspected for God's own sake. My conversation is more of a mystery than this! God is the revealer; my own anemic words God translates to myself.

I am remembering a poem titled "Prayer" by C.S. Lewis and looking it up in Walter Hooper's book confirm that He explores the mysterious exchange between the heart and God when one prays. 

Master, they say that when I seem
To be in speech with you,
Since you make no replies, it's all a dream
—One talker aping two.

They are half right, but not as they
Imagine; rather, I
Seek in myself the things I meant to say,
And lo! The wells are dry.

Then, seeing me empty, you forsake
The Listener's role, and through
My dead lips breathe and into utterance wake
The thoughts I never knew.

And thus you neither need reply
Nor can; thus, while we seem
Two talking, thou are One forever, and I
No dreamer, but thy dream.

How profound!  My God not only hears but also speaks on my behalf. Likewise, Paul writes, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words. Now, Bill, this is something you need to revitalize! 

I'm convicted to go deeper in prayer and allow God to probe the depth. I have a need of being reminded of what Job of the Old Testament said: "God searches the sources of the rivers and brings hidden things to light." I think he was hinting that beyond my words are the sources of the river that flows within me. There is a desire to grow in faith and prayer; learning to lay out before God what is in me and not so much as what should be in me.

My intent this coming week is to recognize God moving about in my thoughts and words of prayer, expressed or unuttered, asking Him to show me not only what I mean, but more importantly, Christ, Who gives me meaning.  To take my broken thoughts and fragile life, search my heart, revealing what is hidden, and show Himself.

Father, God, I invite You to plunge into the areas of my life that have grown stagnant, dredging streams and renewing life within me. Amen