Walking Around With No Place To Go

Before coming to Quiet Rest, I had the car serviced at the mechanics shop, I’ve used for years.  Being only about a half mile from my shop, I will often walk back and forth when leaving or picking up.  One morning, sitting at my usual table at the favorite breakfast place, an acquaintance asked me, “what’s up with the walking up and down the busy road, Bill?”  With what must have been a puzzled expression on my face, he added; “I would have stopped and given you a ride but the traffic was so heavy, I thought it may have caused an accident.”  I said I had just been walking to or from my shop.  He then said something that I became more than a little disconcerted with.  “You couldn’t tell it by me, you looked like a pretty aimless soul.” I wanted to pursue that with him but found myself embarrassed as a few heads turned and eyes focused our way.  Instead, I just laughed it off and the conversation diverted in another vain. But, that phrase has stuck with me: “looked like a pretty aimless soul.” 

Just a couple of days after I arrived here (Quiet Rest), I found myself about a mile from the house.  I had walked unintentionally, just wondering. I suppose imbibing the foliage, fauna, nest building, den digging, spring volume, and just walking, period.  I suppose I realized where I was when my calve muscles began tightening up and the steepness of the road caused me to breath a bit more strained.  Then I remembered the phrase and asked myself: “Is this the appearance of aimlessness?”  I hadn’t intentionally walked this far or planned an extensive exploration venture.  I suppose the only reason I was walking was because the ATV was not available.  Winded, and aching, I reached the house, sat on my box and concluded I was going to research this subject of “aimless.”  I‘m thinking at this point; is this the beginning of something severe?  I looked aimless to another person and now I could not come up with a good reason for demonstrating aimlessness to myself. 

I'm somewhat familiar and don't know why but my first thoughts were to look at the initial symptoms of dementia and other mental disorders, without having any substantial evidence.  Then I ran across a PBS story: “Why Walking Matters,” about Dr. John Ratey’s findings with regard to walking.  It seems that Ratey had done extensive research on exercise, creativity and depression. His research suggests that when one walks without any goal or agenda—I guess like me just wandering - my mind is able to pick up a greater amount of information.  In fact, he has discovered that walking aimlessly allows the free flow of thoughts and ideas that don’t occur when one focuses on something specific. In addition to inspiring creative thought, Ratey has found that exercise can be therapeutic for depression and ADHD. He says that when patients would walk for even ten minutes a day, these ailments would lift. Dr. Ratey notes, “A bout of exercise is like taking a little bit of Prozac and a little bit of Ritalin.” I would never have believed that wandering aimlessly could be so good for well-being and creativity.

Approach seventy four, I find myself realizing, more than ever before, I’m residing  in a fast-paced and efficiency driven world six months of the year and I’m really considering that this is counter-intuitive for me. Up until this past week or so, walking without any purpose would have sounded like a complete waste of time. After all, I have so much to do! People to see. Places to go before it’s too late.  I now understand a little bit better about my battle with time, have given thought and journaled a few weeks ago. Living my life, especially these days, sadly have been more about doing than giving way to just being. I’m going to consider keeping the list but kick the bucket.  That is to say, I think I’ll keep my heart’s goals but stop trying to live in the fast lane by seeing if I can check off all the events and experiences with hyper-speed. Wow, that sounds kind of ridiculous for me.

Now, I’m thinking about the spiritual aspect of it all and turn to the story of Jesus. I wonder at His unusual pace and priorities during those three years.  There seems to be a lot of eating and fellowship with sundry and often sordid characters.  I’m fascinated that Luke, alone, mentions meals around the table (well implies, at least) ten times, with guests and hosts as diverse as religious leaders and tax collectors, lawyers and well-known sinners. When a highly regarded official begged Jesus to come and heal his daughter, Jesus is willing to be delayed by an unnamed, unknown woman grabbing the hem of his garment in spite of the throngs of people pressing around. So, I’m thinking that Jesus willingly allowed himself to be interrupted by a seemingly unimportant individual, on his way to the synagogue official’s home. Other times, I read of Him going off to ‘lonely places’ to pray. Even the way Jesus taught spiritual truths—the telling of parables and stories—suggests a whimsy, a wandering from a style of teaching that was purely didactic. And while I understand that the tremendous amount of time he spent walking the countryside was simply utilitarian, His willingness toward these disruptions, stories, and ministry along the way demonstrate otherwise.

I can’t help but to ask myself: why would he have done it this way? Is it just because I’m looking at it from my modern day perspective that it seems like such a waste of time. Didn’t He need to save the world? Weren’t there more important things He should have been doing? Well, I may be off base here but I think these examples from His own life where a different set of priorities than those that govern my world. I’m thinking that just perhaps Jesus understood the power of a long walk with his disciples, and the need for a story to pull in listeners. Perhaps, just perhaps, Jesus understood that looking at the birds of the air and observing the lilies of the field could give life and strength to one’s being, gifts imbued by their Creator. And again, perhaps Jesus understood for Himself the power of abiding in God as a result of His time spent alone in prayer. Perhaps Jesus was demonstrating that meaningful accomplishments were not always efficient and output is often a byproduct of input.

Considering Jesus’s way of being in the world—even when He knew His life would be cut short—I have been inspired to thinking about my own priorities and the manner in which I move through my day. Generally rushed and hurried, I’m intentionally wandering more from the path of “have to get’er done” by just sitting and withdrawal, contemplating, ruminating, prayer and stillness. I stop to notice the Hot Poker plant, rocking in time with the wind. I see the bees gathering pollen on its red, orange and yellow cones and the tiny antique violet petals covering the fairy garden. I allow myself to be distracted by the hummingbirds hovering around the feeder. I’ve been wandering down the road a lot more , walking further and further past the spring boxes, stopping momentarily to awe the fresh fungus letting thoughts, feelings and prayers rise and fall with my breath and my steps. I’m allowing, more than ever before in my life, the precious interruptions of family, friends, neighbors, clients and acquaintances to call me more deeply into the kind of love Jesus demonstrated in His own ministry.

Meanwhile, all the tasks of the day still hound me; like barking dogs, they never seem to relent at demanding their dinner. Their urgency conspires against my attempts to intentionally slow my mental, spiritual, and physical pace early of a morning, during the lunch and dinner. It seems like I am invaded by a persistent chorus singing the minor note that I am wasting my time. I am not immune to the compulsion to view my worth by my productivity, my busyness, or by how many items I’ve crossed off my ‘to do’ list.

And yet, I must practice the thought that busyness is not what is useful nor is it what brings meaning, beauty, joy, or wonder to living. It’s somewhat easier here to create the space for wandering, but I must rally around  allowing it to take hold on me for I know it won’t be easy, at all, when I return to the crowded days and weeks of my life in Florida. I need to practice my thoughts to roam toward new priorities and paths, toward encounters along the road that continue to surprise and nourish my soul, what I imagine it was like for the disciples who walked unknowingly with the risen Jesus.

Father, God, thank You for the grace of wandering! May Your precious Holy Spirit assist me in the act;  whether that involves the purposeless walking of Dr. Ratey, being distracted by beauty in the person right in front of me at the hardware store or in the natural world, or the intentional withdrawal into silence, stillness, and prayer.  Keep my eyes open to the fact that all is a purposeful work. Amen