Sunday, August 20, 2017

Looking At My Narcissism

The other day, my i-phone was down to a 34% charge when I came in early to clean up and ready for an afternoon and evening out with Bettyann and friends.  I left it charging that afternoon through the next morning just prior to leaving for breakfast with the fellas. As I glanced at the screen walking out to the vehicle, I realized there is something about an inbox that subtly (and not so subtly) conveys the notion that I'm important. With three missed calls on the cell phone, 18 unread e-mails, and twelve instant messages, I was pelted with the enticing idea: "Someone needs me!" The immediate "duck" ring, hummm, or pop-up note proclaiming the arrival of these new messages has become somehow complimentary, even as it demands my attention—"I need this, that or when can you get back to me!"
   
The language of technology seems to have furthered my sense of importance by bidding me to claim and personalize the small world I have enmeshed myself in. I am only one click away from "my documents," "my calendar," "my favorites," "my music," "my pictures," and "my shopping cart." Anthropologist Thomas de Zengotita calls it "MeWorld." Writing in Harper's Magazine, he examines the ways in which the world of media shapes our lives, de Zengotita portrays the technologically advanced, media-saturated West as a world filled with millions of individual "flattered selves," each living in its own insulated, personalized world. He believes the narcissism that comes from living in MeWorld has been fashioned and is constantly being fed by media representations in all areas of our lives, from those private representations that purport us the star (home videos, wedding photos, Facebook, Tweeter, etc.) to the public advertisements, television, and magazines that ever address us personally. 
I'm close to the conclusion that as subtle as it may be, the most precarious part of flattered living is that I'm gradually losing more and more sight of both life and my self. Despite all of the overt declarations on my computer, iPhone, iPad, television, and bill boards, this is not, in fact, "my world." Though I am flattered by the attention of MeWorld, I am not the center of all existence. It has been the French philosopher, Rene Descartes, who has outlined for me one reason why: "Now, if I were independent of all other existence, and were myself the author of my being...I should have given myself all those perfections of which I have some idea, and I should thus be God."  In other words, if I were truly independent, if the world truly revolved around me, why should I find in myself any imperfection at all? Is it not then rational to live as if I am the center of the world?  
 My theology outlook takes this inquiry one step further. Am I not going to make a conscious choice at to how I'm going to cultivate an awareness that this is God's world while living the rest of my years in a world that insists that it is mine? The counter-cultural admission that I am not my own or walking alone will certainly be a good starting point. This poem I found called  "The Avowal" by Denise Levertov, I'm thinking, helps:
 As swimmers dare
to lie face to the sky
and water bears them,
and air sustains them,
so would I learn to attain
freefall, and float
into Creator Spirit's deep embrace,
knowing no effort earns
that all-surrounding grace.
 Really, Bill, isn't living both coherently and authentically involved helping you understand what undergirds yourself?  I think of the old song, this morning that exclaims: "This is my Father's world. O let me ne'er forget." 
As is often my custom I placed myself in the narrative of Johns Gospel, 14th chapter; sitting with the disciples when Jesus looks to us one of His last nights on earth and covers our hearts with a similar notion. "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going... I am the way and the truth and the life."  
Father, God, there is great relief in confessing that my world is surely the Lord's and all that is in it. I've also recognizing at this ripening age it is a fresh starting point, the place where I begin the journey toward home. I do not want to entertain flattery on my journey to my house but a continued transformation by the very One who is preparing the way.  Amen

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