When I Comes To Lonliness

During this process of continued seeking, praying, deliberating, planning, and walking by faith in and through this fall season of life, I find myself more intentional.  Intentional at imagining the ‘what if’s.’ Ever so much more as I witness the decline of health in those that have surrounded me over the past seventy decades, leaving behind spouse, family and the closest of friends. And particularly, having just found and read Julianne Holt-Lunstad’s 2017 presentation on loneliness at a meeting of the Psychological Association. I think I've never been so aware of the hundreds of thousands that dye in loneliness, even during my years of ministering as hospice chaplain. 

I’ve been reminded of the fella, Vincenzo Riccardi, apparently, who, no other person on earth knew. The sensational discovery of his mummified body in Southampton, New York, proved it. He had been dead for 13 months, but his television was still on, and his body was propped up in a chair in front of it.  The television seems to have been his only companion, and though it had much to tell him, it did not care whether he lived or died.

This 2007 story has raised  many unsettling questions for me these last few weeks. How can a human being vanish for over a year and not be missed by anyone? Where was his family? What about his relatives? Why was the power still on in his house? Whatever the answers are to these and other questions, one thing is clear in my thinking: Riccardi must have been a lonely individual whose life, most likely, can be summed up in one word: ‘alienation.’  My believe is substantially increased by the fact that he was blind.  He never really watched television; leading me to believe he needed this virtual reality to feed his need for real companionship. Moreover, as reported in a piece entitled, He Died in Vast Isolation, his frequent “outbursts and paranoid behavior” may have played a role in driving people away from him.

I tell myself, ya, this is indeed a tragic and extreme tale, but it is making a powerful statement about how cold and lonely life is for millions across this country. Here I am, thinking I have all my ducks in a row but confess I, at times, have not been immune to the pangs of loneliness and alienation. Once again, I must go back to the Christian story attesting that alienation affects me and everyone else at three different levels. We are alienated from ourselves, from others, and most significantly, we are alienated from God. That is the reality in which every person exists. The restoration process involves all three dimensions, but it begins with my proper relationship with God. It’s just a fact that I cannot get along with myself or with anyone else until I am properly related to God.  I’m thrilled beyond anything to have applied the Gospel truth, which is; that there is abundant restoration.  It demonstrates itself by an ongoing encounter with Jesus Christ. 

I can’t imagine any better way to illustrate the process than that of an encounter Jesus had with another deeply wounded man who lived in a cemetery. I take liberty in imagining there were relatives, and perhaps friends, that had tried unsuccessfully to bind him with ropes or chains of some nature to keep him at home. But further imagine he preferred living among the tombs (alienated from others), cutting himself with stones, his identity concealed in his new name—”Legion” (alienated from self). It’s recorded in Mark's gospel that his mind and body were hopelessly enslaved by Satan’s agents, and his life was no longer his own (alienated from God). It took an encounter with Jesus for the man to be fully restored, “dressed and in his right mind”. Only then could he follow Jesus’s command to go back to his family and tell them what God had done for him.

The restoration process remains the same today, doesn't it? Until one is properly related to God, one’s true identity and potential will always elude him/her. No virtual reality or gadget can even begin to address the problem, for they only give back to us what we have put into them. They are like the message in a bottle which a castaway on a remote island excitedly received, only to realize that it was a cry for help that he himself had sent out months before. As Augustine prayed, “You have made us for Yourself, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in You.” We are finite creatures, created for a relationship with an Infinite Being, and no finite substitute can ever meet my or anyone else’s deepest needs. Trying to meet any of my real real needs without Christ is like trying to satisfy my thirst with salty water: the more one drinks, the thirstier he becomes. This is a sure path to various sorts of addictions.

Thank You, Father, God that when I turned myself over to Jesus, sixty six years ago, at the age of nine, I was called to the table by name, and loneliness was countered with the hope of embrace. I became a member of Your extended family. Over these many years, I can see myself standing beside and saying with the same voice, Abraham's, I look “forward to the city with foundations whose architect and builder is God.” Yet, it’s like dad use to say, “one day at a time son. One day at a time.” I’m still learning to trust You, Father, day by day; learning as I travel with others along this heavily trodden path that never disappoints. Yes, there are those moments that I sense a loneliness yet I know I have not been alienated. Yes, I admit I grieve and lament more often these day, but never like those who are without hope. It’s mysterious sometimes. I do have peace and joy within, and even in my hours of need, I’m discovering other family members, friends and acquaintances that are finding their own path to You, through my stumbling and bumbling, yet victorious life. Father I need Your Spirit more than ever before in my remaining days; especially when a crippling sense of isolation and alienation starts to creep in upon me. Arouse, shake and infuse me by this vibrant hope You, Your Son Jesus and Holy Spirit provide.  Amen