Am I projecting or what? It seems that so many folks assume that my creativity,
in general, is an unbounded force. That
it flows freely and continually. The thought came to me again a couple of weeks
ago while watching the German painter and sculptor Anselm Kiefer episode of CBS
Sunday morning. Kiefer only sells a
painting or sculpture when he needs the money.
Otherwise, he continues to add to his hundreds of canvases or chips away
on his sculptures year after year, never admitting they are complete. Only are they complete when he sells one can
he let the idea of ‘incomplete’ ride. I
sense the same in my creative ventures.
There’s always something more that can be added. On the other hand,
there are times when I am depressed by the empty page, desiring meaningful
words, the hickory sticks standing in the corner calling to be bent, the wood
plank not formed by vision. I sense most people think I never experience boredom or
tedium (new word
use) with
regards to my work, but that I experience an effortless flow of creative energy
every day. Gained by short quips or remarks,
like: “It seems to flow so easily from you, Where do you get your ideas? Where
do you find the time? How do you do it?” causes me to think others might think
I have little need to have disciple or structure in my world.
In contrast, giving it thought for a number of
days, I must continue to practice, experiment, exercise. Practice, experiment and exercise. Consistently. In order for me to be creative. This is why I will never make a
good Millennial. An example is what the orthopedic therapist has told me about
my shoulder, “discipline yourself to use the bands every day.” I must exercise
my mind, as it were, just like these muscle in my shoulder. That is; if I want
to remain creative. In fact, I’ll take
it one step further. I'm convinced that my creativity
only achieves its greatest potential when bounded by discipline, and a gut-wrenching
commitment to practice, routine, and structure. Confirmation of that was, also,
when the therapist told me that over time my small tear will heal itself. I think it’s pretty interesting what I read
what the painter, Wayne Thiebaud,
once said: “an artist has to train his
responses more than other people do. He has to be as disciplined as a
mathematician. Discipline is not a restriction but an aid to freedom.” Thiebaud insists that rather than being
opposed to creativity, discipline provides the conduit through which creative
engagement grows and develops freely.
I can’t be too hard though on folks, who might
falsely think that my creativity is by nature undisciplined. It’s probably
because our culture has exemplified and promoted the assumption over the past
five or so decades that structure and routine are signs of a lack of
creativity, or worse, are signs of boredom. For the most part, a boring routine
appears to be antithetical to the creative life. But as author F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote in a notebook
entry, “Boredom is not an ‘end product’
but an important and necessary ‘stage in life and art,’ acting like a filter
that allows ‘the clear product to emerge.’”
I think many of my aging counter-parts have been often duped in making the same assumptions about growth and creativity in their daily
lives. Many have acquiesced to this monster of mindset that expects unbounded
growth and instant results. It seems to me that this has crept into worship
services in many an evangelical circle, today, as well. God help me not to be a bystander or for my
spiritual sake, begin to expect the constant flow of “good feelings” surging
through me. God forbid the moment I don’t experience these things, or if the
novel continually eludes me, I begin believing something isn’t right. I’m
curious, that this sentiment might lie, perhaps, in a hidden disdain for the
repetitive nature of discipline and routine?
Pastor’s messages in Galatians and particularly chapter 5 is causing me,
once again, to throw up a red flag and be careful in falsely believing that
discipline is antithetical to the flourishing of freedom.
Not only for myself but my deep love for other
elders, urges me to be careful in setting my sails in a way that is chasing
after the wind of emotional experience or spiritual “high,” constantly seeking
the “next thing” that will move me or make me feel good. Ritual, discipline,
commitment, and structure, for the contemporary crowd, seem impediments to
growth, rather than the soil in which growth is nourished and fed. This false belief
that transformation is like osmosis, a process over which one has little
control or responsibility.
It’s good for me to see that Jesus makes this
connection between spiritual growth, transformation and discipline. In John 15 He
exhorts His followers to “abide” in Him—literally to rest and to take
nourishment from the life He offers. But as I abide I am also told about the
discipline inherent in abiding: “Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also
loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in M love; just as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in His love.
These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy
may be made full.”
Jesus is insistent that human flourishing is
intimately enjoined to keeping His commands. I'm still thankful for the 930 Community's teaching some weeks ago that nailed down the fact that 'joy flows from a life that abides
in the love of Jesus.' Abiding in the love of Jesus, and experiencing the
fullness of joy is not separated from discipline and obedience. The routine and
discipline of abiding are the nutrients necessary for the spiritual life to
flourish and grow.
Am I surprised that some of my dearest friends might
find this statement quite paradoxical? It
shouldn’t be because most times they have shared with me, after a time of
discipline, that joy has been there all the time, just not recognized. I admit
there are more times than I would like to think that daily life feels like a
monotonous routine. On the other hand, when I stop for a few moments, I realize
that joy flows whenever my routine is artfully engaged. Finding joy in faithful
nurture, care and disciplined engagement with routine is not dependent on the
whims of my personality, or feelings that come and go. Joy is the result of my life
lived in the rhythm of rest, routine, and discipline. I need to remember and
practice, practice, practice that.
Father, God, thank you for my life. Yes, it is often both tedious and
difficult. Yet, I thank You that
creative engagement in writing, working with wood, reading, and gardening
requires both. I recognize tenacity and push back are important factors for my
spiritual growth. Thank You for showing
me that disciplined obedience is not a blockade to joy, but rather a doorway
that opens into Your presence. It’s an
invitation to encounter You, Who authored all things beautiful. Amen
